Today I unlocked why I am a cheerful productive person when I am around people and why on some days I am alone I feel sad and get into a loop of thinking negative things about past.

When I am around people I have control over my thoughts and actions. I have to be in a certain way and avoid certain emotions or negative thoughts. But when I am alone my brain takes over. My freedom and solitude are at a cost. My brain gains full control over what I am thinking and doing sometimes. So I lie all day and daydream or go down the memory lane, repeat scenarios that were happy and then were not and reason why they got ugly or create alternative scenarios to feel that same comfort for a fraction of second just to lose it all and feel bad all over again.

Today I realised when my brain was taking over and I told myself NO.. this is it. I am taking charge again and I will be controlling what I do for the day.

There were a couple of minute setbacks but we did good. We decided to work on Resume, apply for a job and we didn't stop till we finished.